My (in) Formal Meditation Practice

Having a formal meditation practice is a nice idea, but it isn't the main focus of my mindfulness work. As Sam Harris said in one of his moment meditations:

It’s as if we are sleepwalking through life and dreaming that we are in a prison of some kind. Meditation is often recommended as a means of escape. Unfortunately most of us begin practicing by the logic of the dream and we can spend years sawing at the bars of an imaginary cage.

The purpose of mediation isn’t merely to improve your relationships, or to reduce stress, or to sleep better, or to produce any other specific benefits in your life. Meditation can do many of those things of course.

But it’s true purpose is to help you wake up and recognize that you are already free.

Listen to Sam read the meditation at the link below:

Keeping this in mind, this meditation practice is designed to strengthen my mindfulness muscle, which I use daily to stay connected to the tasks and events that are right in front of me.

All day, every day.

And also to accept my repeated failure to do so.

All day, every day.

Below is a detailed description of my morning meditation. While I can't capture every nuance, I think it will give you a glimpse of what a meditation practice might look like and possibly inspire you to start your own. This practice is informed by formal zazen sitting, but doesn’t aspire to be exact in its execution. In an upcoming post titled Sleep Part III I will talk more about the morning ritual that goes along with this meditation practice.

The Warm Up

Temperature is a major consideration for my practice. I want to stay warm while wearing minimal clothing. In winter, I run my space heater and direct it towards my zafu, the cushion I sit on. Depending on the temperature in my room, I may wear my slanket (a nicer version of a snuggie), shorts and a t-shirt, just underwear, or nothing at all. Maybe I'll get a robe made for me one day.

After a long night's sleep, I start my practice by walking around my room without any particular formality to warm up. To an observer, it might look like I'm just pacing. This helps to get my body moving and my joints lubricated. I may even stretch a bit and roll my feet out on my lacrosse ball. It's funny that I would want to stretch to prepare to sit - another paradox, I suppose.

Walking Meditation Posture

As I walk and start the meditation, I first focus on my posture. I put mild tension on my core muscles to support my back and keep my posture upright. I clasp my hands, with my right fist tucked into my left palm and held at my sternum. I keep my hands in a sloppy Shashu Mudra and, if I'm wearing my slanket, I gather it in my hands so I don't trip over it.

Body Scan

Once I settle into my posture and get my hands set, I focus on my feet. I bring attention to the act of walking, feeling each step. I notice the carpet between my toes and the stretching of my calf muscles. I review the sensations of temperature, pressure, stiffness, and soreness in my body from the night before, working my way up through my legs, lower back, abdomen, shoulders, neck, and head. My body warms up as I walk and I ease myself into the rhythmic pattern of walking. I look for my breath and, with my mouth closed, I feel it going in and out from my nose. My gaze is pointed at roughly a 45-degree angle, eyes half open, and I will walk like this for 5-10 minutes.

Walking Meditation Focus

As I walk, I focus my inner voice on a task. I often begin my meditation with the Five Remembrances, one of my favorite teachings of the Buddha. It is said that this was the first thing he would have his monks meditate on each day. I repeat the following phrases to myself:

1. I am of a nature to grow old.

2. I am of a nature to have ill health.

3. I am of a nature to die.

4. Everyone I know and everyone I love is of a nature to change, there is no way to avoid being seperated from them.

5. My only true possession is my behavior, that is my karma.

Sometimes, when I'm struggling with a heavy burden of thought, I will stick with the Five Remembrances during the entire walking meditation. Of course, at these times, whatever my mind is struggling with will take my attention away from the practice. I will go back and forth between the thoughts I'm struggling with and the recitation of the Five Remembrances. When this is the case I will also attempt to bring my awareness into the somatic sensation of the emotional pain and suffering I am feeling. If I can manage that, then the focus of my awareness will bounce between the thoughts about the issue I'm struggling with, the somatic sensations in the body, and the recitation of the Five Remembrances. Most days, however, after a few rounds of the remembrances, I'll move on to Loving Kindness Meditation or Metta meditation, I think about people in my life: those I love, those I know but don't feel strongly about, those I resent, and those I have yet to meet. I bring them into my awareness and wish for them to be happy, joyful, free of suffering, and at peace. I used to use a mantra, but these days I try to picture these people and feel the emotions of Metta without getting attached to specific words.

At around 5 - 10 minutes into walking meditation and it’s time to sit.

Sitting Meditation

Every morning, I commit to meditating on my zafu for at least five minutes. Sometimes I use a stopwatch, and other times I just sit without a timer. On occasion, I use Sam Harris's daily guided meditation, and on other days, I meditate in silence. I have a good sense of how long five minutes is, and when I don't use a stopwatch, I make sure to meditate for longer.

After the walking meditation, I'll collect my phone from above the bathroom sink to use the stopwatch and meditation app. I turn it on carefully, avoiding any apps other than the meditation and stopwatch apps. My phone remains on silent from the night before and I have disabled push notifications, so there are no pop-ups on my screen.

I bring my phone to my zafu and place it on the corner of the large cushion that hosts the other cushions.

Zafu Setup

My zafu setup is a recent addition to my life; click the link below to see my old setup and my new setup. The casings for the cushions were hand-sewn by a woman in New Hampshire and then driven back to Evanston by a Zen monk. The cushions were then stuffed by a crew of folks at the Chicago Zen Center in Evanston. Funny thing is, when I bought these I was asked by the instructor not to, “Buy us out of house and home.” To my understanding, when they run out, someone has to drive back to New Hampshire to get more.

I fluff up my zafu in preparation for sitting by rolling the edge against the large cushion, laying it flat, and then patting it a bit to make it soft so it conforms to my bottom. I plop myself down on the cushion, finding my seat, and bring my left heel to the bottom of the zafu. I fold two of the thin square cushions in half (one is not pictured) and place them below my left knee. I bring the heel of my right foot over to where my left knee is and then prop my right knee up with the soft rectangular cushion pictured at the rear bottom of the image. I then fluff up the final rectangular cushion, which is filled with buckwheat and is designed as a hand rest. This cushion sits in my lap, providing a place for my hands to rest in a hokkai-join, or dharmadhatu-mudra. After doing a little research for this post, I realized I do this mudra wrong by putting my left hand on top of my right hand, but that's okay. I don't get into the formal, “you have to do it this way” kind of thing. This is how I prefer to do it, so I do it the way I like.

Sitting Meditation Posture

To begin my hand posture, I make my hands look like I'm about to swim freestyle and place them together with my thumbs touching, forming a circle. It's almost like I'm holding a bird. I then bring my hands up near my navel, resting them on the buckwheat cushion, and adjust my back position. After I'm in position, I take a breath and start my stopwatch, meditation app, or if I'm not using either, I simply sit.

The first few minutes of meditation are all about settling in. I'll move my shoulders around, lean back and forth to find the right angle for my torso, and play with the tension in my core. Ideally, I'm sitting with my spine erect, but not too stiff, my head straight "like the beacon of a lighthouse" as my old yoga instructor used to say, and my gaze pointed at the same 45-degree angle I use for walking meditation.

Sitting Meditation Focus

If I'm not using the app, my focus is on the breath and letting go of thought, bringing my attention back when the mind wanders. Compared to the walking meditation, which is action-packed, if I'm sitting without guidance, the practice is much more austere. There's no metta, no five remembrances. If I'm not using the app, I'm usually just focused on the breath or even on the emptiness of the self.

When the five minutes, or however long I choose to sit on the cushion is up I get up gently and finish up my morning ritual, you will be able to read more about that in my upcoming post Sleep Part III.

Why Meditate?

I want to emphasize that, while I do get a lot of joy and peace from this practice, that is not its purpose. The point for me is to be able to bring mindfulness into this moment. To be here with this writing and recognize the fear that tells me it isn't good enough, that I'm wasting my time, and that the work is falling on deaf ears. My mind also tells me that this writing could lead to greatness and shows me grand illusions.

My meditation practice teaches me that all the other distractions are meaningless and that the only thing that matters is the work I do here and now.

As a songbird is to sing and without the thought that someone might enjoy it’s tune. My work is to write this post and without the thought that someone might get anything out of it.

Form is emptiness, emptiness is form.

If you have read the whole thing, I thank you sincerely.

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A quick plug for the Waking Up app! Click the link below to get 30 days free instead of the 7 days that come with the app. Sam's work has been a major source of inspiration for my mindfulness journey and the content I create on this blog. My work is not sponsored by the Waking Up app or Sam Harris.